Old People, Please Stay out of MY Movies.



Lately I’ve been going to the movies, getting there early, settling in and watching all the other people file into the theater.  For some odd reason and because of extreme fault in my personality, I have a need to judge each person walking in.  Believe me, it’s weird, and I don’t accept it as ok.  In fact it’s something I need to work on.  Either way, I still do it. The last three or four movies I went to I noticed a lot of people coming in who I would never expect to be seeing the particular movie showing.  Ted, The Campaign and The Expendable 2 were the last three movies I went to where I noticed this.

Ted was the most extreme example.  Older couples, easily in their 70s walking into the theaters, taking a seat, looking to enjoy a nice movie.  What are they thinking?  Have they seen the trailers?  Are they randomly picking a movie to see, or still picking based of off descriptions in the Sunday papers?  I remember one couple, getting up and walking out in the middle of the movie.  NO SHIT! It’s about an extremely vulgar bear that gets high. Why would they be seeing it in the first place?  Same thing with The Campaign or Expendables 2.  Why are you seeing those movies?  Go see the movies made for your audience.  Please see, The Odd Life of Timothy Green or Hope Springs.

I know there’s nothing wrong with people going to see movies they may not profile as being a target audience for.  I’m not that much of an asshole.  I will say this.  It ruins my movie going experience.  I keep thinking, “Oh yeah, they’re going to get up and leave any second now.”  “There’s no way they are enjoying this right now!”  I’m constantly peeking over and trying to get a hint of what they might be thinking.  Drives me nuts.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. Right?

The Expendables 2 Is Awesome…Why Can’t Some Critics Realize That?

Silly. Moronic. Wild. Ridiculous. Awful. Awesome. Bad-ass. Entertaining. What do all these words have in common, you may ask? Well, they are all words you can use to describe The Expendables 2. Having seen it or not, if you complain about the story (or lack thereof), the corny quotes, or the unsettling amount of violence…how do I put this lightly…you are a moron. The beauty of The Expendables and The Expendables 2 are all those things I just listed. Films like this are perfect examples of just how idiotic movie critics can be. For example, Newsday critic Rafer Guzman had this to say:

Yeah, yeah, I get it: “The Expendables 2” is a fun-loving throwback to the gloriously bad action films of the 1980s. Here’s what I don’t get: Why couldn’t it be a throwback to the good ones?

So the throwback to movies like Rambo, Terminator and Die Hard aren’t considered good ones? What the hell is this dork talking about? Take a look at our buddy Rafer below:

Maybe that explains it. This dweeb probably didn’t even enjoy Die Hard when it first came out. Why would he take The Expendables 2 for what it is…a fun, over-the-top, action comedy that makes a perfect summer movie. Moving on.

Another mind boggling review came from Dustin Putman…of DustinPutman.com. The site is well-organized and provides a good resource for film reviews if you’re into that type of thing. He has a few interesting quotes from his review of The Expendables 2…one being:

Sounds like it should be a blast. Why, then, is the reality about as fun as chewing on a hand grenade?

You’re going to compare a movie like The Expendables 2 to chewing on a hand grenade? Listen, we get it, movie critics have to try to be witty to stand out from the pack, but even this is a stretch. Dustin continues with this gem:

When the hard day is done, they hang out and joke around while listening to classic rock, disaffected by the literally countless string of torn-apart bodies they’ve left in their wake.

Holy shit! You mean to tell me the cast of Stallone, Willis, Statham, Schwarzenegger et al. didn’t sit around moping about the countless bad guys they have mowed down?! Grow up. Did you really expect that? Would you have enjoyed the movie more if you saw Arnold shed a tear over the dozens of terrorists he killed?

The movie itself (along with its fans) knows not to take itself too seriously. Why then does Dustin, Rafer and countless other critics across the country feel the need to do so? Call me crazy, but I think The Expendables movies are an example of what is great about American cinema. They are mindless, fun, enjoyable movies that provide us with two hours of nonsense…awesome nonsense.

Stop treating a movie like The Expendables 2 like it should be the next Patton or Saving Private Ryan. Until the day comes, where film critics can look at a movie completely objectively I am going to be a frustrated movie fan. Take The Expendables 2 for what it is. Take The Watch for what it is. Not every movie is made with the intention to wow critics and gun for an Academy Award. Why then do critics act like that is the case? Can’t a movie just be fun without being a cinematic masterpiece? In the eyes of us here at Philm Critics, yes, and The Expendables 2 was just that.