LeBron James accomplished something special this summer. He didn’t just bring together the fans of the teams that he spurned during “The Decision” to hate him, and he didn’t just bring all NBA fans together. He also didn’t just bring all sports fans together…he brought all people together in hating on him not just for his decision to join Dwyane Wade’s team but for how he chose to make a spectacle out of the entire situation.
However, I am over it. The Knicks have since moved on and acquired two players that are way more likable and play much more of a New York style of basketball with their toughness and attitude (but not the defense). Sure I want LeBron to never win a ring, but any true basketball fan has to simply appreciate greatness when they see it, so I have chosen to just sit back and watch LeBron and the Heat without getting too riled up over them.
This brings me to the real reason that you should despise the self proclaimed “Heatles”: Chris Bosh. Anyone who knows me really well knows that I am a long time hater of Chris Bosh, I hate his softness, I hate the fact that he considers himself a superstar, and I really hate when he tries to seem angry and tough on the basketball court like in this picture because he is simply not tough at all.
While he was stuck in Toronto racking up losing seasons, nobody really paid much attention to him so most people didn’t grow to hate Bosh the way I had. The only serious criticism he ever received was from Shaq, when he called Bosh the “RuPaul of big men” a couple of years ago.
Since signing with the Heat, Bosh has done nothing but add to the list of stupid shit that he has done, whether its quotes or actions on the court, which I will now make fun of him for:
1. The first Bosh incident occurred the first day he put on a Heat uniform at the party that was thrown after the 3 of them agreed to play together…a party that was bigger than most team’s championship celebrations. You can see in this video, especially at the 30 second mark, why Chris Bosh is so easy to hate. Like bro, you’re not even that good. The only reason you get grouped in with guys like LeBron and Wade is because you just happened to be born in a year that put you in the same draft class as them, and for whatever reason they are actually friends with you. It has nothing to do with your game or how great you think you are.
2. Right as the season was about to begin, Bosh admitted one of the reasons that he left Toronto for Miami: to be on TV more. He flat out said “Really, it’s all about being on TV at the end of the day. Seriously. A guy can average 20 (points) and 10 (rebounds), and nobody really cares. If you don’t see it (on U.S. national TV), then it doesn’t really happen.” Is this guy fuckin serious? Last I checked, every NBA playoff game is on national television, so if you want to be seen then you should have gotten your team to the playoffs in Toronto more than once in seven years so that you wouldn’t have to piggyback Wade and LeBron to be “seen.” As Bosh would learn as the season went on, being seen wasn’t such a good thing for him because of how embarrassing it turned out to be.
3. When questioned about leadership in the early part of the season, Chris said “If 20 and 10 each night, isn’t a leader, I don’t know what is.” He is referring to his averages in Toronto, where he put up 20 points and 10 rebounds on a regular basis. What he fails to realize is that “leader” doesn’t mean leading your team in points, it means leading your team to victory. In his 7 years “leading” Toronto, the team had a winning record just once and won 33 games or less four times in the embarrassingly weak Eastern Conference over those years. Hardly what a superstar is supposed to do.
4. Then after delivering probably his best game of the season, Bosh delivered this gem in a post game interview: He literally said that his coach wants to work, and he and his two friends just want to chill, so the coach has to meet him halfway. How is a guy like this not immediately benched or something by his coach. He wants to chill? If you want to chill, then retire and join a fuckin men’s recreation league, don’t make millions to play in the NBA with two legends by your side.
5. When this next incident occurred, it was my favorite Bosh moment of his first year in Miami. It happened on this play, when Bosh and Omer Asik of the Bulls both went for a loose ball, which you can see in this video: As you can tell, it was a clean play where both guys just went for the ball and collided, and Bosh happened to sprain his ankle. After the game, Bosh had this to say about Asik’s “dirty” play: “C’mon, that is how guys get hurt, that is how serious injuries happen. You’ve got to watch people’s legs. I know guys want to hustle and everything but we all want to play and provide for our families and have a job.We all want to be healthy and that is very important If it is by somebody’s leg, don’t dive for the ball, it’s too close.” Holy shit, this guy has got to be kidding, right? You’re telling an NBA player not to hustle because you might get hurt. The ironic thing is that if Bosh had hustled instead of “chillin” then he wouldn’t have gotten injured…he only hurt himself because Bosh tried to bend down for the ball rather than diving for it like he should have, but he understandably didn’t want to scrape his knees. Speaking of providing for families, those are the types of plays that Asik must continue to make to remain in the NBA and provide for his family. He doesn’t have a $100 million contract like Bosh (which is fully guaranteed, so even if Bosh’s ankle was obliterated his family would still eat well for at least 4 more years until his contract expires). Asik, on the other hand, is a 24 year old backup with just 1 year remaining on his much smaller contract, and getting loose balls is something that he knows he must do. Unfortunately, he plays too hard for Chris Bosh to handle.
6. Another entertaining Chris Bosh moment came against the Bulls as well, although in a different game. You could see the play here: Bosh clearly did not get hit by Boozer, yet he still fell like he got fuckin sniped by somebody in the upper deck of the arena. I’m pretty sure that if you get elbowed by Carlos Boozer in the nose, you grab your face right away and you don’t just fall like 8 cops just opened fire on you. The worst part is Reggie Miller agreeing that he got nailed in the nose, fuck that guy too.
7. The best Bosh moment, however, might have come just a couple of months ago, and you can see it in this video: As you may already know, Kevin Durant is the most humble and quiet 22 year old superstar maybe in the history of sports and he is closing in on his second consecutive year of leading the NBA in scoring. As he is talking to his teammate James Harden, Bosh decides to get involved and throw in his 2 cents and then continue to bump Durant as if he would ever try to mess with him for real. After the game, Durant had these words for Bosh: “I’m no punk. I wasn’t even talking to him, first off. He decided to butt in and I’m not going to just let that slide, especially in our house. Like I said, he’s not one of those guys that I look at and say, ‘Oh, he has a rap for talking back to guys or always getting into it.’ I was talking to my teammate and he decided he wanted to put his 2 cents into it. I’m a quiet guy, a laid-back guy, but I’m not going to let nobody talk trash to me. He’s on a good team now, so he thinks he can talk a little bit. There’s a lot of fake tough guys in this league and he’s one of them.”
So there you have it, forget targeting LeBron James as the reason to root against the Heat as the playoffs begin this weekend. At least he is great to watch and often enjoyable on the court, as much as you just want to punch him. Bosh isn’t even that good but acts like he is, which just makes him easier to hate. He is soft, says stupid shit, and has had an underwhelming career for a guy who thinks he is such a superstar. We have had all these entertaining moments in just this season alone (plus more that I didn’t include), so who knows what the playoffs will provide. Just think about it, all the games will be on national television! So we can all be witnesses to Chris’ stupidity.
I don’t need to add much more, Kevin Durant summed it up best.